The next date has nothing to do with the last date

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It’s 2011, and if you’re like me, you’ve already made (and broken) your New Years resolution. Hey, I don’t blame you. I hate working out, too. But if you’ve resolved, in the back of your mind, to make this New Years the last dateless one, I can empathize with you.

 

Love is important and by joining The Only Social Club or any dating site, you’ve already taken a valuable first step into making it happen. There’s just one problem. You don’t really believe it’s going to happen. You’ve been hurt too many times before. You’ve spent good money on dating but have nothing to show for it.

 

You’re recent dating experiences read like a rap sheet: Commitment-phobic, picky, boring, emotionally unavailable, narcissist, family issues, issues, etc, etc. You know the deal. And because you’ve had no shortage of dates that made you want to give up entirely, you’ve lost sight of one very important thing:

Take note: The next date has nothing to do with the last date.

That’s right.

Your last partner cheated on you? That has nothing to do with the next one. Your previous online date was a flake? Not the new prospect’s fault. You’ve never had a partner treat you consistently well? How is tomorrow’s date to blame for that? You already know this intellectually. After all, it’s not your fault if your date’s ex was a selfish, vindictive, backstabbing, emotional roller-coaster. But wouldn’t it be awful to go out with a person who truly felt that this is how everyone of the opposite/same sex acted? Who treated you as if you were a criminal, waiting to strike? Whose damage was so deep and walls were so high that you wouldn’t even bother to climb them? Sure would.

 

You can tell when someone’s been hurt before. He/she questions you as if he’s a prosecutor and you’re the witness – all because he doesn’t want to make the same mistake again. Suddenly you’re not on a date; you’re in an interrogation room. It’s not fair, it’s not right, and it’s certainly not effective. So if you’ve been burned, time and again, literally the ONLY thing you can do is to shake the Etch-a-Sketch clean and give each new date the benefit of the doubt. Assume the best and you’ll receive the best. Assume the worst, and well, you’re probably already doing that.

 

Your dating resolution this year shouldn’t only be like going to the gym or learning to salsa dance or redoing your bathroom. All I’m asking you to do is believe that there’s a single person JUST LIKE YOU out there who just hasn’t met you yet. And watch as that person responds to the new, positive you.